anxiety and depression have been destroying me lately. i feel helpless and lost. i dont have feelings… i just want to be alone in my room and never do a damn thing. but instead, i have a full time job, classes to attend, homework to do, a degree to accomplish, a boyfriend to be with, family to spend time with, and friends to try and hang out with.
from an outside view, my life is amazing - perfect even. i have connections with my future career, and people that love me.
but i am crumbling. everyday.
its a struggle to want to breath.
and then there are people that give me their input everyday - oh, just suck it up - go to the doctors - etc. i dont want their help. i dont want a damn thing.
i dont want help - and that’s the scary part.
i need a break from everything.
i feel like my life just never stops.
i dont have days i can just lay around all day and watch tv.
i miss that.
hooray. signed up for fall classes tonight…. with all my favorite sign peeps ;)
just taking sign II and fingerspelling…. possibly one other class.
sorry followers. ill try to post during nap time at the daycare!
thank god this is my last week working full weeks at one job, and my last week of school. YAY. then i work full time at the day care :)
so im going to my first party, EVER. this friday. a friend of mine from one of my classes invited me, and im bringing a friend and my boyfriend.
here’s the thing, its themed. i need help with IDEAS.
the seven deadly sins.
5. Wrath- Red
i was up until 5:30 this morning cleaning my room. then scott came over and we slept until 1:30. lol. then i cleaned some more. ridiculous. anywho. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED. my mom talked to a lady that my step dad has known for YEARS, and she owns a daycare. said i should come in next week and ask for her, and i basically get the job. OMFG. I LOVE LIFE. hahaha. i cant wait to leave this fucking hell hole.
also, my room is tidy, and looks huge, and yay.
and boyfriend, i love him. lol
and we went to silent laser tag - that was fun. except we just did glo-golf. hung out with my twin and her boyfriend and sister. lol.
fun stuff. going to bed. :)
im talking to a girl i went to school with about working at the daycare she works at. i hope they need me! because they have one special needs child, and i would love to work with kids. i adore them, really. i need another job, and if they whole college library doesn’t work out, daycare is DEFINITELY a good thing to go into. they’re looking for a 35 hour a week worker, and i can TOTALLY do that. GEEKED. ill call tomorrow.
ugh. now off to clean :/
i bought some new makeup…
and i swear, every time i do, around midnight i want to try it.
guess ill do that, only to wash it all off.
im a freak.