anxiety and depression have been destroying me lately. i feel helpless and lost. i dont have feelings… i just want to be alone in my room and never do a damn thing. but instead, i have a full time job, classes to attend, homework to do, a degree to accomplish, a boyfriend to be with, family to spend time with, and friends to try and hang out with. 

from an outside view, my life is amazing - perfect even. i have connections with my future career, and people that love me. 

but i am crumbling. everyday.
its a struggle to want to breath.

and then there are people that give me their input everyday - oh, just suck it up - go to the doctors - etc. i dont want their help. i dont want a damn thing.

i dont want help - and that’s the scary part.

i need a break from everything.

i feel like my life just never stops.
i dont have days i can just lay around all day and watch tv.

i miss that.
 

hooray. signed up for fall classes tonight…. with all my favorite sign peeps ;)
just taking sign II and fingerspelling…. possibly one other class.

SO EXCITED. 

sorry followers. ill try to post during nap time at the daycare!

fucking exhausted. i have work tomorrow anyways. *sigh*

thank god this is my last week working full weeks at one job, and my last week of school. YAY. then i work full time at the day care :)
 

so im going to my first party, EVER. this friday. a friend of mine from one of my classes invited me, and im bringing a friend and my boyfriend.

here’s the thing, its themed. i need help with IDEAS.
the seven deadly sins.
 

1. Lust-Pink 
2. Gluttony-Orange
3. Greed-Yellow
4. Sloth-Blue
5. Wrath- Red
6. Envy-Green
7. Pride-Purple

all i reblog/post is beds, smoking, kittens/cats, and nature.
what is this. 

i was up until 5:30 this morning cleaning my room. then scott came over and we slept until 1:30. lol. then i cleaned some more. ridiculous. anywho. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED. my mom talked to a lady that my step dad has known for YEARS, and she owns a daycare. said i should come in next week and ask for her, and i basically get the job. OMFG. I LOVE LIFE. hahaha. i cant wait to leave this fucking hell hole.

also, my room is tidy, and looks huge, and yay.
and boyfriend, i love him. lol

and we went to silent laser tag - that was fun. except we just did glo-golf. hung out with my twin and her boyfriend and sister. lol. 

fun stuff. going to bed. :)

im talking to a girl i went to school with about working at the daycare she works at. i hope they need me! because they have one special needs child, and i would love to work with kids. i adore them, really. i need another job, and if they whole college library doesn’t work out, daycare is DEFINITELY a good thing to go into. they’re looking for a 35 hour a week worker, and i can TOTALLY do that. GEEKED. ill call tomorrow.

ugh. now off to clean :/

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i bought some new makeup… 
and i swear, every time i do, around midnight i want to try it.

guess ill do that, only to wash it all off.
im a freak. 

i like them.
i kind of want to put a few in my hair. :3 

im a freak. 

so…

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